I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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