My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
