i think my mom watched the whole time
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize