Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
50% drunk capacity currently
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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