Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
