This is not my ceiling
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
