i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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