Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize