dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
