I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Couch. On fire.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
