I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
