grandma shit on top of the toilet
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize