No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
