he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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