Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
