We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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