Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
