that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
