proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
