I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
im holly from the hills drunk
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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