I want you more than these girls want KFC
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
