afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
