Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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