i jhust puked up my retainher.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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