she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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