Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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