New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
