We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
