everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
