Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize