If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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