wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize