I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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