By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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