Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
