Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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