sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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