the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
