Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
