Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize