Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
