Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
