Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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