I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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