yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
