I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
