This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
