This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
