I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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