That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
