I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
