I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
