i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
