That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
