So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
