"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
