Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
