Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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