i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
