just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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