so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
