My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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