why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
