i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
