I faked an abortion last night.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
