Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
