not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
