So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize