i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
