I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
