I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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