The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
