was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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