A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
