Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
