She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
