I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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