i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize