im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
